A Moment to Mourn
by CharonKatharsis
Summary: Things happen fast during these days. Some things happen too fast. And sometimes all you need is someone to listen and a shoulder to lean on to. Implied Daryl/Glenn (subtle, very subtle), deals with Character Death.


Everything had happened too fast. Even though there had been enough time to get the warning signs, they had refused to see them – their greatest threat were by no means those who were dead, no. The living were even more dangerous for them. They had made a great mistake when they had forgotten about this once they had found their momentary safety withing the walls of this cursed jail. And this neglect had come at a bitter price: Lori had died trying to protect her son. Hershel had died and T-Dog was gravely injured. Not by a walker, that at least, but it still made traveling hard. But the greatest loss had hit Glenn without warning... Maggie. They had promised to be there for each other, for better or for worse only mere days before their safe haven had been attacked and ultimately seized by another group of survivors. They had caused them to leave even though there were walkers around the jail all the time. They had almost made it to the cars, when one of them had gotten Maggie. One tiny scratch was all it took...

Glenn had refused to leave her side once she was too weak to rise by herself. It had felt like he, too, was dying. And in the end it was him, who had carried out his last duty as her husband. Everything happened a lot faster than usual since the world had come to this end and they had buried her, next to a never-ending field of corn. Golden corn, shining in the sun and there seemed to be no end to it. But there had been too many ends already. Glenn knew he would never be able to come back to her little grave, a small cross made from two quarrels Daryl had given to him was all the grave side decoration he had been able to provide her with. He left his cap there as well, so she would have at least a little something from him.

There had been no time to do a proper funeral, they were lucky the group of walkers that approached them had left them enough time to cover her with enough earth so they would not find her. Maggie would be able to rest in peace, this was all Glenn had been able to do for her.

Days passed by, so many days. There was no time to clench to the past, each day was another day they had to fight to survive. Glenn knew the group needed him and willingly fulfilled his part. As the fastest of them it was him who entered houses whenever they found one, grabbing whatever there was left that could be useful and leaving without getting himself into unnecessary fights. But his steps felt so heavy these days and he found himself wondering whether this all was actually worth it. In the end he had nobody left. Again.

They had found a small farm, somewhere hidden in the endless golden cornfields. The house was far smaller than the one Hershel and his family had lived in. Only one floor and a cellar. No walkers, no corpses. The owners had probably left their house before... well, anything. Everything was still in place, cans filled with food and a clean well provided them with everything they needed to survive another few days. In a small barn nearby they found some tools that would come in handy. But they wouldn't stay here, not wanting to repeat the experience they had made on Hershel's farm. Still, at least for a few days they were save. Glenn volunteered to take the first watch, choosing the barn's roof as suitable look-out. He would spend the night up there, alone.

He did not expect to get company about two hours later. Someone sat down next to him, without uttering a word. But Glenn knew him too well. In fact he knew all of them well enough to distinguish them by their steps. One never knew when he would need it.

"You don't need to displace me yet, Daryl." A snort but Daryl chose not to speak. Glenn looked up to the stars, ever so bright. "I'm ok. Should I get tired I'll tell you."

"Aren't ya tired already, little man?" Glenn shook his head.

"As I've said..."

"Not right now. Don't think I didn't notice. You started to question this, didn't cha?" For a moment Glenn was at a loss of words. Truth was he had thought about it, but he had done his best for it not to show. Who wouldn't have had those thoughts when the one they loved died and left them alone? Even though he strongly suspected Rick to not have been through this, his son being reason enough to keep him going.

"Never said so."

"No need to. I can tell it by looking at ya. It's called observation, little chink. Quite useful."

"What do you want, Daryl?" Daryl looked around as if he was inspecting the fields and maybe he actually was. Or he was simply taking his time.

"Nothing."

"So you came here to tell me this without wanting anything?" Glenn couldn't believe his ears.

"Listen.. Glenn. This world's a crazy place, right? Jus' wanted to let ya know, well... I'm here." Glenn cocked his head, unable to comprehend whatever went on in Daryl's head that moment.

"I know. You're right next to me." An annoyed glance from Daryl.

"You haven't been the same since that girl of yours bit it. I'm jus' tellin' ya it's not over yet."

"What hope is there left for any of us?"

"Dunno. Maybe none. Maybe we're save next week or month or year. Or never."

"...sometimes I wonder whether I should just... end it. I've always been pretty good at running away and if there ever has been a time running away would be the best solution.. it's now."

"Tch." Glenn didn't need to look up to see the disdain written all over Daryl's face. Sure, this guy was one who would never give up. But Glenn had no more strength left to be like this. Not anymore. Not after he had lost Maggie and with her what little faith he had been left with.

"You wouldn't understand, I guess." Glenn pulled his legs closer and embraced them, making himself smaller. Less exposed, somehow.

"You damn right 'bout that one." Daryl did not sound angry, nor did he sound... well, Glenn couldn't find any emotion he knew in Daryl's voice. It was only a statement with something else he couldn't grasp. Why would Daryl understand him when Daryl was someone... unbreakable?

"You don't have to stay here, Daryl. It's getting cold. It's ok, there's no need for the two of us to freeze out here."

"'Cept you ain't freezin'." He made no move that would have indicated he wanted to leave. "An' I told ya I'm stayin'."

Glenn sighed, he wanted to be alone. Except... he didn't want to be lonely anymore. But there was no point arguing with Daryl since the redneck obviously had settled his mind on staying up with him, making sure he would make no mistake during his watch. Did he appear so tired he needed someone to second him? Yet this presence next to him also was quite comforting. And before he noticed it, Glenn found himself spilling his thoughts out to Daryl, without daring to look at him for he feared Daryl's judgement.

"I just can't see the point in this whole thing anymore. In the beginning I hoped that maybe... there could have been a way and we would have had to wait long enough so they would rearrange everything and we could go back to normal. Something to cure, to stop those corpses from wandering around so we could return home. That was stupid, wasn't it? You probably knew from the beginning, didn't you? Because you are not a stupid fool like me." He reached up to brush aside this tear that had started to run down his cheek. "But I can't help it, you know? I-I... I understood it wouldn't happen when we fled from Atlanta and everyone was dead. I mean.. my friends in Atlanta were dead before and now the camp went down as well and it would only be... a matter of time until we would die as well. But... but I kept going because maybe, just maybe... and then the CDC blew up and I still kept going because... maybe there was still some hope. And then... when Sophia disappeared..." From the corner of his eyes he could see the barely noticeable stiffening of Daryl's shoulders. "I'm sorry... we all hoped, until.. until the end we hoped. But all of our hopes were for nothing, not only.. concerning Sophia. And I felt like a dick because in such a time I... there was Maggie and she was like a ray of light. And I felt guilty because of that, because in such times I..." He shook his head and closed his eyes, unwilling to give in to this burning he felt in his eyes. Not now... he would not. He took several deep breaths. "I really loved her, Daryl. I wanted to protect her... from all the people around me, I wanted to keep her save... but I failed once more. There is no safety anywhere anymore. I... I just.. I just can't..." He sat up in a quick motion and turned his back to Daryl. "I'm sorry.. to bother you with this... I've told... told you... I'm an idiot. And now I'm... I'm whining... I should not... because you..." Glenn felt his voice tremble and then it failed him, drowned by his sobbing. He did not want to cry, not with somebody near him, especially not with Daryl sitting next to him. But then again... it did no longer matter.

Glenn did not move, when he heard Daryl get up, he barely noticed it. He hid his face on his knees so Daryl would not see him like this. He was ashamed, confused and so tired. Right now he could not bear Daryl's disapproval. He still refused to look up when he heard Daryl coming closer to him, something in him wished for the redneck to just slap him for his stupidity so he would get it back together. But Daryl's touch was far from being a slap – and hurt even more. The gentle touch of Daryl's hand and the even gentler squeeze... it pained him a lot more than a simple slap could have hurt him.

"Listen, shortie... ain't nothin' good comin' from that thoughts. I'm not tellin' ya to do this. If ya think it's yer time..." Seldom had Glenn heard Daryl so calm and somehow caring and yet he could tell the man was annoyed. "But... y'know we ain't at the end yet. All ya need is some rest..."

"Stop this, Daryl, please..." Glenn was almost shocked to hear himself pleading to Daryl as if the guy had done horrible things to him. "I'm so done... these past days.. weeks.. I tried... I really tried..."

"So ya wanna kill yerself? Jus' like that?" And suddenly Glenn's heart started racing as did his mind. Daryl was right, of course... the only way out of this hell was to end it, once and for all. Take the gun and point it at his forehead – making sure the bullet would rip apart his skull, ripping apart his brain so he wouldn't be coming back. Why did he remember these goddamn recordings they had been shown back in the CDC. All those sparks and then... nothing. Nothingness wherever he turned. And a mere instant later he found himself in those warm and strong arms and unable to tell whether Daryl had chosen to embrace him or if he himself had thrown himself into the man's arms. But here he was, clinging to Daryl as if his life depended on it and somehow it did. He could feel the rednecks heart beat where his forehead rested, could feel the man's dirty shirt getting stained by his tears. But he held fast to the shirt, to this heartbeat and to this warmth...

"...take yer time." Glenn could hear Daryl's confusion or maybe it was even dislike... but Daryl did not shove him off. Did not scold him, did nothing to stop him. If anything, Glenn had the impression the man's embrace became even tighter, just a little bit. And there was this softness he was not used to... Daryl's hand slowly wandering up his back until it rested on the back of his head, carefully fondling his hair. The feeling made Glenn dizzy and weak, in a good way, he supposed.

"I... I don't want to die, Daryl." This was the truth. Glenn did not wish for death, only for peace, a piece of mind he was unable to find alive. He wanted to live but what they did wasn't living, it was surviving and he was tired of it because survival meant they were going to lose people again and again. Until it would be his turn to get bitten or scratched or killed by some who wanted to claim what he had or maybe he would...

"Can't promise ya anythin' 'cos I don' wanna lie to ya. But I want ya alive. Not 'cause yer the one bringin' us supplies 'n' stuff. It's 'cause I like ya, y'knew that?" Daryl was nervous, at least a little. Otherwise Glenn wouldn't have been able to tell where the faint trembling in his voice came from. "Once Merle was gone... 'n' there ain't nobody left fer me... an' I chose ya, lil chink."

"You... you chose me? What for?"

"E'ryone needs someone, ain't nobody livin' alone. An' I ain't no diff'rent. An' I... goddamn it." Daryl did not finish his sentence, but Glenn understood. Or at least he thought he understood. Or did not understand at all. But the short brush of Daryl's lips against the top of his head, barely touching him but still unmistakeable, gave Glenn strength enough for a little smile. Daryl did not have to say it out loud for Glenn to understand. Everybody needed someone they could rely on, the could trust in and care for.

"I'm not yet..." But Daryl did not allow him to finish what he wanted to say.

"Told ya to take yer time. I'll wait. But there ain't no point waitin' fer someone killin' himself off like some stupid ass idiot. Right?" Glenn nodded. He felt Daryl withdrawing but he couldn't bring himself to ask him to stay close. How would he have said that anyway? And why had the night suddenly become so cold?

"Daryl..."

"C'mere, shortie. Shift ain't over yet." But even though he sounded as always, Glenn saw the way Daryl gestured for him to come to him to sit next to him. And this he did, leaning against Daryl's shoulder.

"Thank you, Daryl... for listening to me. I... I think I feel a little better."

"Ain't nothin' good comin' from keepin' yer sorrow for yerself, either. Tell me if anythin' bothers ya, I'll listen." And Glenn knew he would. Because Daryl somehow was like that, he simply did not seem that way.

"I promise, Daryl. I'll take my time and... we'll figure out the rest." He closed his eyes for a moment to feel the cold breeze and the calm inside. It did not even surprise him, when a warm hand sought his, shyly trying to intertwine their fingers. He gladly allowed it and looked up, only to find Daryl staring off into the distance. Of course, they were still here because of their watch. But even so he knew Daryl did not need to look at him this moment, the touch of their hands was reassurance enough. Glenn would take his time and he would not leave Daryl like this. Even though it seemed pointless and even though he still mourned for their past and for the loved ones they had lost. But he understood he wasn't alone, never had been.

And maybe, just maybe, there was still some hope left for them.


End file.
